Love is hard
by AllenWalker1018
Summary: Allen and Cross have been together for a little over a year. Allen was a street kid who fell for a rich older man though he hadn't known that at first. Allen struggles sometimes with the gap in their social status. (Yaoi) (CrossxAllen) (TykixLavi) (Crossdressing)
1. Chapter 1

**AN: New Cross x Allen ff story. I dont really know how I came up with this... It was supposed to be kinky this first chapter but went SOOOO far off track... so yeah...**

One lover sat in the lap of the older red headed man who wore all black. The snowy white hair and pale skin was a bright contrast of all the black both lovers wore. The younger white haired lover wore a black low cut backless dress with slits up the sides that was tied around the slender neck of the younger one who also wore black open toed high heels with straps around their ankles. The one in the dress was looking at their long black nails with their legs crossed elegantly.

"What did you break a nail?" The red head asked his deep voice pulling the younger one from his thoughts as the older one took a hold of the much smaller slender hand examining the perfectly maintained nails.

"No. I was just bored." Allen replied looking to his hand that Cross held still looking at his nails.

"What this party is boring you?" Cross asked with a smirk. They were currently at a party that a lot of higher class people were attending simply to be social. Allen didn't understand why rich people needed to be so "social" and always have parties. Then again it was probably to gossip and show off all their money. If Allen had known Cross was rich and that he would have to attend all these boring stupid parties he might not have agreed to start seeing him.

"Isn't it boring you?" Allen looked to Cross staring into his deep red eyes. Cross cupped Allen's cheek before pulling Allen into a kiss. The kiss took Allen by surprise at first but he gladly excepted it. The kiss was slow and gentle at first but quickly turned heated and Allen didn't give a damn. Cross was displaying his dominance over Allen for all to see with that one kiss. Allen was his and his alone. It was also a way for Cross to further display his rebellion against social norms. Most still felt two men should not be together and no one approved of Allen being with Cross since he was a street kid with no home most of his life. When Cross broke the kiss Allen was breathing a little heavy.

"No because I have such a cute shota kitten in my lap~." Cross hummed smirking as he wrapped his arm around Allen's waist. Allen pinched Cross' cheek giving him a disapproving look.  
"Don't call me that." Allen hissed as he continued to pinch Cross' cheek.

"Why not~? You certainly act like one when you-" Cross was cut off by Allen pinching his cheek harder and speaking out.

"Shut up or you'll be sleeping alone for a week." Allen threatened letting Cross' cheek go.

"And where would you sleep exactly?" Cross inquired raising an eyebrow at the youth in his lap.

"You will be sleeping in one of the many guest rooms you have." Allen replied with an innocent smile as he wrapped his arms around Cross' neck lacing his fingers in Cross' long soft hair.

"Yeah no. I don't think so." Cross stated dully as he let Allen play with his hair since there was little he could do to stop Allen anyway. As Allen played with Cross' hair the red head lit a cigarette.

"Hey love birds~." A man greeted walking up to the two lovers smiling as his short red haired lover trailed behind him, both wore nice suits. Allen smiled brightly as he saw his best friend walk up.

"Lavi!" Allen called quickly leaving Cross' lap to throw himself at the other red head. Lavi smiled quickly catching Allen so they didn't fall.

"Hiya Ali how are you?" Lavi asked happy to see his friend. Allen and Lavi had been best friends most of their lives.

"I'm great. Marian is being a pervert." Allen whined clinging to Lavi pouting as he looked to Cross who was simply sitting smoking his cigarette looking as innocent as he could. But Cross trying to look innocent just made Cross look even more guilty.

"I wasn't doing anything." Cross commented looking off to the side.

"Yeah... You're about as innocent as I am Cross." Tyki chimed in laughing.

"That's saying something..." Lavi muttered as he held his friend close.

"You clearly don't know your friend there brat. He can be far more perverted than me." Cross said referring to Allen.

"Oi I'm not perverted. Talking dirty like you is perverted, what I do in the comfort of your home is something else entirely." Allen retorted still pouting as he looked to Cross.

"Our home." Cross corrected confused Allen who blinked at him.

"What?" Allen asked standing up straight as he studied Cross.

"Our home. You said 'my home', its our home. You live there too." Cross said looking at Allen out of the corner of his eye. Allen blushed a little as he stared at Cross. Both Lavi and Tyki looked to each other then to Allen who seemed...in shock.

"Right... Say... Can we leave now? I'm hungry and tired." Allen yawned as if to show how tired he was. Cross put out his cigarette standing up.

"Sure. I hate these parties anyway." Cross took Allen's hand leading gently pulling him away from Lavi. Allen told Tyki and Lavi goodbye before Cross led him to the elevators. When they were in the elevators all alone there was a sort of awkward silence between the two. After a moment of silence Cross spoke up.

"So what's wrong with my place?" Cross asked one hand on his hip as he stared up watching the numbers above the door change as they went down.

"What?" Allen asked looking up at Cross confused once again by the older man.

"You don't call where you live, our house, your house. So what's wrong with the house?" Cross clarified not looking away from the small screen displaying the floor numbers.

"Nothing is wrong with it. The house is fine. It's not the house." Allen said softly as he looked to the elevator doors with a soft slightly sad expression. "Its just... 'my house', 'our house' they aren't things I'm used to saying that's all. I've never had a house or home... not a physical one anyway."  
"Not a physical one?" Cross looked down at Allen out of the corner of his eye.

"Home is where the heart is." Allen smiled up at Cross as he placed a hand over his heart. "So when I think of the house we live together at... I don't think 'that's my home'. Its when I look at you or think of you... That's when I think, 'I am home.' So there is nothing wrong with the house. The house is fine because that's where my home resides inside. The physical house is yours but you are my home. That's what I meant. I'm sorry if I confused you or hurt you earlier." Allen's smile faded away a little as he stared up at Cross gently squeezing Cross' hand which still held his own. Just as Cross was about to pull Allen into a kiss the elevator dinged signaling they reached their floor.

"Hey when we get home can we take a bath together?" Allen asked smiling brightly as he made his way to the car as he pulled Cross behind him.

"Sure. We could use a bath anyway. That place was disgusting." Cross grumbled as he allowed Allen to drag him to the car. The driver was waiting in the car for the two return so when they climbed into the car he started the car. Allen giggled a little Cross buckled his seat belt for him as they sat in the back seat. Once Allen was belted in Cross did his own seat belt telling the driver to take them home. As they made their way home Allen laid with his head in Cross' lap and Cross was mindlessly yet gently removing all of the bobby pins that held Allen's curled hair up. It was nice having Cross mess with his hair it was a relaxing feeling for Allen. When they reached the house Cross helped Allen out of the car who was practically asleep.

Realizing Allen was practically asleep Cross picked Allen up holding him bridal style. Allen whined about how it wasn't fair that Cross was still so wide awake and Cross teased about how it was because Allen was just so young. Allen whined on about how Cross was a mean old man and that he should be the one who was tired not Allen since Allen was only 22 but Cross was 40 years old.  
Inside the house Cross carried Allen up to the master bedroom they shared setting Allen on the edge of the bed. As Cross went to run the bath in the attached bathroom Allen took his high heels off tossing them off to the side sighing. Standing up Allen slowly walked into the bathroom watching Cross.

"Hey... Marian...? I've been having a weird thought lately..." Allen said softly as he leaned against the doorway running his fingers through his hair messing up the curls his eyes following his fingers as he did.

"What's that?" Cross asked as he turned the water off as the tub was full.

"That...If I had known you were rich that I probably wouldn't have agreed to start dating you... if that's what we are even doing." Allen replied walking over to the sink picking up his hair brush brushing out his hair properly.

"What do you mean 'if that's what we are even doing.'?" Cross demanded softly as he watched Allen in the mirror. Setting the hair brush down on the sink Allen looked to Cross in the mirror as well.

"Well... I mean... I don't know. I don't know what dating is really like. I've never done that sort of thing before. But isn't it along the lines of going out on dates? Like going to the movies or to the amusement park stuff like that? But I guess with you being older and more mature its different huh?" Allen said softly his expression gentle for a moment after he spoke before he chuckled softly. There was always something about how quick Allen was to laugh things off that bothered Cross. Like he was still wearing that mask he had from living on the streets.

"Is that what you want? I know you don't like the parties and such... If you want to do something you should say something. I'm not a mind reader." Cross commented as he walked over to Allen leaning against the sink.

"But I did." Allen said looking up at Cross. "I mean... yeah sometimes I would like to go to the movies or something with you but I know you are so busy and have to maintain a professional image so I don't ask... I know you take me shopping sometimes but I don't really like that..." Allen was going to continue explaining himself but Cross cut him off.

"You don't like shopping?" Cross was surprised and confused by that. If Allen didn't like it why did he always agree? Then again... he shouldn't be so surprised. Allen always agreed to whatever Cross suggested or said they had or should do.

"No but it's time I get to spend with you so I say yes and agree to one thing for you to buy me because I figured it would make you happy. You always pester me to let you buy me things but things aren't really what I want. Which is why I asked for the bath with you. I just want time with you. That's really what I'm trying to say. I just feel like... we skipped the dating part and went to... almost like a marriage. We're like some married couple who don't go out and spend time together. Yeah we go to those parties but that's more like work or something." Allen started to wipe the lip stick he was wearing off along with the eye shadow. Yes Allen went all the way when it came to cross dressing with the make up and styling his hair. And with his rather girly appearance it worked rather well for him.

"Married couple? Geez... So I'm the terrible husband who doesn't give his wife enough attention?" Cross asked looking at Allen, he was joking but Allen took it seriously.

"No that's not what I'm saying at all. I'm just saying..." Allen sighed looking down at the sink. "That I'm happy when we are at home together but it seems like only such little time we spend together both here at the house and when we are out. So... well I guess that does paint you to be the absent husband... I'm sorry. I can't word what I'm feeling. It's just making it worse." Allen sighed again.

"I get what you're saying. You aren't happy with how we spend our time together. I do tend to leave you alone a lot. And when I do pay attention to you its to take you to those parties so I'm not suffering alone or its in the bedroom at night for the most part. I suppose you're right when you compare us to a married couple but its more like you're the mistress and work is the wife." Cross commented putting his cigarette out in the sink.

"I don't want a bath anymore." Allen walked out of the bathroom to the closet pulling out a long night shirt. Taking off his dress Allen set it in the dirty clothes hamper before pulling on the night shirt Allen climbed in to bed laying on his side with his back to the bathroom.

"Allen..." Cross said rather softly as he stood in the doorway watching Allen lay in bed. He realized he had hurt Allen by comparing him to a mistress.

"I'm going to bed." Was all Allen said before he pulled the covers up but not enough to really cover his face because he couldn't sleep like that. Sighing Cross changed into his own pajama's which was just a pair of pajama bottoms nothing else. Climbing into bed Cross laid on his side facing Allen. Gently wrapping his arms round Allen Cross held Allen close and even though Allen was hurt he accepted Cross' embrace.


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: I couldn't sleep because I was so worried about my missing cat so I stayed up working on this in case he came home. that's why there is a second chapter so soon. He is home now though so I can go to sleep... thank god because it is 4:30 am...**

The next morning Allen slowly opened his eyes looking to the window. The sun had only just begun to rise lighting the horizon with glowing orange hues. Slowly sitting up his hair cascaded over one shoulder and down his back. Yawning Allen rubbed one of his eyes sleepily. Looking over his shoulder Allen found he was the only one in bed which was pretty common in the mornings despite Allen constantly asking Cross to wake him up when he got up. Getting out of bed Allen pulled on his silk like black robe tying it closed before he made his way down to the kitchen to make himself some breakfast. Cross had already left for work Allen was pretty sure of that. It was common. Though to his surprise when he walked into the kitchen Cross was cooking breakfast. Despite the fact that Cross owned such a large house it was only Allen and Cross in it, no staff, maids, or cooks, Allen liked that part of it.

"Hey... What are you still doing here?" Allen asked walking over to Cross watching him cook some eggs.

"Making breakfast. What am I not allowed to cook?" Cross didn't take his eye off the eggs to make sure they didn't burn.

"I didn't know you could cook. I've never seen you cook. But you probably shouldn't smoke while you cook, you might get ashes in the food." Allen commented looking to the cigarette between Cross' lips. Was Cross ever not smoking? That always made Allen worry about Cross' health.

"It's fine. And I can cook I just never had to because when you showed up in my life you took over the cooking." Cross said putting his cigarette out in the sink since Allen wouldn't stop staring at it clearly worried he would drop ashes in the food. Then again Cross had done that before and it ruined the food.

"Hm... I thought you would have been at work already. Won't you be late?" Allen asked looking to the clock on the wall. Usually Cross really was long gone by now.

"No I took the day off." Cross replied plating the eggs since they were done. Allen stared at Cross rather surprised by that. He couldn't think of a single time Cross had taken off work, he would sometimes even work the weekend. "What? You were the one who said you wanted to spend time with me." Cross pointed out noting Allen's surprise.

"It's not that... well... I just... wasn't expecting you to take the whole day off, since I'm just the mistress." Allen moved to the table sitting down pulling one of the glasses of orange juice closer to him. Orange juice even though it wasn't sweet was one of Allen's favorite drinks especially in the morning.

"Look we both were wording things badly last night. Yeah work is important but you are the only love I have." Allen gasped softly his head quickly turning in Cross' direction. Even though they had been together for a little over a year Cross never really admitted to loving Allen.

"Geez... what is with you? You're surprised by that too? Really... though I suppose that one is my fault." Cross sighed setting a plate of food in front of Allen sitting across from him with his own food.

"I'm sorry... Seems we really are bad at talking aren't we...?" Allen sighed softly as he examined his glass of orange juice in his hand.

"You really are miserable aren't you?" Cross asked when he noticed Allen kept sighing and talking softly.

"Not necessarily. I am happy when I'm with you like I said yesterday. You're my home. It's not you I'm miserable with. Really to be honest I think it's me I'm unhappy with. Being with you has made me realize my life is stuck. I don't mean like I'm stuck with you, I mean... I have no direction. I'm still working at that small cafe you found me out from time to time. That's not how I want my life to be I know that but I don't know what exactly I do want to do. I've never really thought of my future or what my goals are. You have your life all worked out but I'm just a kid with no direction." Allen explained taking a sip of his juice.

"Eat your food too. Your diet is stupid." Cross instructed pointing to Allen's plate with his fork.

"Its not a diet I'm just not hungry lately." Allen retorted dully focusing on his drink as he stared out the window at the sunrise. Huh. This was the first sunrise he saw together with Cross.

"And as for what you were talking about earlier. I didn't have my life sorted out on my own at 22. That's the difference between you and me. My family pretty much laid my future out for me. You however have no influence on your life so you could make any dream or goal you want. So its harder for you because there's no end to what you could do." Cross said more serious as he ate. Allen looked to Cross out of the corner of his eye listening to him.

"So its normal to feel this way? Hm... But shouldn't I have some idea of what I want to do?" Allen sighed closing his eyes resting his chin in his hand his face aimed towards the window still. Slowly Allen opened his eyes a little. "Oh... its over already..." Allen said a little disappointed.

"Huh? What's over?" Sometimes Allen really threw Cross through a loop.

"The sunrise... we missed it." Allen pointed to the sun. Cross looked to the window as well staring at the sky.

"We miss it ever morning. What's so different about today?" Cross rather was confused by Allen today.

"Well we're both home I guess... I don't know... It just different. Well I think its because usually either you've run off to work without waking me or we sleep through the morning. We've never really watched the sunrise together. That's something we've never done together. Hm... Marian?" Allen looked to Cross setting his hand on the table.

"Yeah?" Cross looked to Allen pausing his eating giving Allen his full attention since Allen called his name so seriously.

"Is it possible... to start over...? Like I said last night... it feels like we skipped the whole dating part... I mean you took me to dinner that one time then it was all sex after that... then moving in together... really... I get you being an older guy and all so its different for us... You can't do childish dates like people my age like the amusement or movies. But if we started over then we could get to know each other properly like normal people do." Allen said softly as he looked to the window again with a gentle expression. That gentle expression Allen always held when Allen was talking about something serious, it almost seemed like Allen's true face. Cross wasn't sure what to make of that look. It was his honest face, that's what it was. Whenever Allen spoke honestly from his heart he had that expression.

"Okay. Then we'll start over. I suppose you have a point that we perhaps moved a little too fast. But that doesn't mean you'll move out will it?" Cross set his fork down. He was fine with starting over but if Allen moved out then they really would lose all the progress they made and Cross worried that they would see less of each other than they did now. It had taken so long for Cross to get Allen to agree to move in especially when Allen learned where Cross lived.

"No I won't move out. Even if we start over you're still my home. And I can't give up my home especially since I've never had one before." Allen smiled softly at Cross picking up his fork taking a small bite. "Whoa. This is really good. You're an amazing cook!" Allen's smile grew more bright at the taste of the food.

"Thank you. I've been cooking since I was a teen but you're a great cook too." Cross resumed eating since Allen was eating now.

"Since a teen? Why's that?" Allen asked blinking at Cross surprised by that fact.

"Because my parents were too busy so when I got hungry I would go to the cook for food so she taught me how to cook. I started to cook on my own when my parents fired her." Cross explained finishing his his food off.

"Oh... Why did they fire her?" Allen was a little sad to hear that since it seemed like Cross and the cook were close.

"Because my mom caught her and my dad having sex in his study." Cross answered as if it was nothing. A sweat drop trailed down Allen's face. Like father like son as they always say. Yes Allen knew Cross was a womanizer before they started sleeping together but for some reason Cross stopped sleeping with people a little before he asked Allen out to dinner so Allen heard from Tyki. Tyki and Cross were close friends and drinking buddies so Allen could believe what Tyki said about Cross.

"I see... well... From my perspective its better than her getting fired for sleeping with you... But that's the jealousy talking." Allen muttered looking off to the side again.

"Hey you're the only guy I've slept with so be happy about that." Cross pointed out getting where Allen was coming from but still.

"Which is probably in part because i dress and act like a girl. But anyway don't you get a little jealous when I talk of previous lovers?" Allen looked to Cross again completely serious.

"No because you've never talked of previous lovers." Cross retorted almost a little annoyed by that.

"Oh... huh... well I guess because I can't really call them lovers since we never had sex... You were my first lover after all..." Allen was completely honest without even thinking about it. That was one thing he liked about being with Cross. He felt comfortable enough around Cross to be honest.

"Huh?! Come again!?" Cross slammed his hand on the table completely in shock. Allen blinked at Cross taken aback by the sudden outburst. Usually Cross was so calm.

"You... didn't know? I thought I told you..." Allen sat looking lost in thought as he went through his memories of the first time they had sex.

"Oh... I guess I forgot to. Is it really that bad?"

"Is it really that bad?" Cross wanted to hit his head on something really hard. How could Allen ask that and so innocently as well? And what 21 year old was still a virgin and just gave that up without telling the other they were a virgin? Geez it was the same night as their first date they had had sex too so Cross had just assumed since Allen was so willing. "Geez kid... If I had known that I would have waited longer and been more gentle. How did you not cry?" Cross hadn't exactly been the most gentle throughout the whole night. He had been at first but as the night went on he got a little rough.

"I actually did... but you couldn't see it since you had me on my knees. I'm good at crying silently." Allen really was used to crying silently since he used to live in shelters and he didn't want others to know he cried himself to sleep a lot. And the first time with Cross had hurt a little but it wasn't so bad and he didn't regret it one bit though he wished he could have been able to see Cross at the beginning instead of them doing it doggy style for his first time. Though that was clearly entirely his fault for not telling Cross he was a virgin or that he didn't want to do it that way.

"Then we are definitely starting over. And as much as it pains me to say it, since we will be doing this properly this time, that means no sex for a while and so when we do have sex again it will be like our first time all over again but it will be different this time. It will be better." Cross huffed. Now he really regret comparing Allen to a mistress because if he hadn't they so would have had sex last night. If he had known that two nights ago would be the last time they would have sex for a while he so would have made it last longer. Damn this was going to be hell.

"Oh... okay then... I mean... We don't have to skip the sex since we've done it so many times... but if that's what you want then okay." Allen was surprised that Cross even suggested no sex. And how were they to not have sex if they shared the same bed? Wouldn't it be impossible to resist sex then?

"No we are starting over so no sex. Which means one of us will have to move to a different room to sleep alone." Cross already knew that they would have issues with the no sex rule if they stayed in the same bed.

"But I don't want to sleep alone!" Allen whined like a little child. He was so used to sharing the bed with Cross he couldn't imagine sleeping alone again. He wasn't sure he could. The thought of sleeping alone made him think of all the cold lonely nights he suffered through at the shelters. That thought made Allen frown a little as he looked down at his plate. "I don't think I can... I'm so used to your warmth... I'd be lost with out it to be honest... The warmth of another person, of the person you love... nothing can replace that." Allen was back to speaking softly still frowning a little as his gaze was aimed down at his food but he wasn't really looking at it.

"Okay so no sleeping alone... but still no sex." Cross couldn't make Allen sleep alone. Not when he talked and looked like that. Allen smiled softly at Cross when he said that but the smile wasn't a real smile. It was only used to mask his pain, Cross could see that clearly. One day Cross would know all of Allen's scars, the physical, mental and emotional ones. And Allen would know all of his. Not that Cross had as many as Allen but he did have his own scars. His life wasn't as bad as Allen's he knew that. He had a house, good schooling, no one ever hit him. Really the main issue in Cross' life as a kid was he had two parents who were completely unavailable, and he was a man whore before he met Allen. Though he had a few heartaches as well. Cross knew little of Allen other than he was a high school drop out. How is it that they had been together so long but knew so little of each other? Allen was right, they were terrible at communication and talking to each other. But with them starting over they could change that.

 **AN: Sorry I took this down for a second to take out the part about Allen's mother because I have a better idea for his family history.**


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: I had something to say for this chapter but I dont remember anymore since I thought of it last night... Oh well. Oh thank you to inuyashamunkey for the review. I hope you continue to read my story ^_^**

"I'm coming..." Lavi called making his way to the front door of the large apartment he shared with Tyki. The two had been dating for three years and had been living together for about a year and a half. They did not regret moving in together and were quite happy. Opening the door Lavi was a little surprised to find Allen standing at the door smiling brightly.

"Hiya darling~." Allen said teasing of course. The best friends were always messing around like that and their lovers were used to it.

"Ah hello Ali~. What can I do for ya~?" Lavi asked smiling brightly at Allen. It was hard not to smile so brightly when Allen was smiling like that.

"I need to borrow your apartment for a bit. I need to change and Marian will pick me up in an hour." Allen explained holding up a bag that held his extra clothing he wanted to wear. Currently Allen was wearing a short black long sleeve dress that had a sort of puffy skirt and a pair of black high heels. His hair was still somewhat curly from last night.

"Um...okay...?" Lavi stepped out of the way letting Allen into the apartment. Humming softly Allen walked into the apartment taking his heels off by the door.

"Where's Tyki-pet?" Allen asked looking around for the Portuguese man.

"He's in his study working on some stuff." Lavi responded watching Allen a little confused as to why Allen needed to use his apartment.

"Cool I'm gonna take over your bathroom then cause I need to do my make up and stuff." Allen smiled heading to the large bathroom attached to Tyki and Lavi's room. Lavi followed Allen rather used to his friend doing as he wished at his apartment.

"You really are at home here..." Lavi leaned against the doorway to the bathroom as Allen pulled off his dress before changing into a black tank top with a white t shirt that hung off one shoulder more than the other. After pulling on a pair of black ripped skinny jeans Allen sat on the edge of the tub pulling on his boots that looked sort of punk combat boots lacing them up. Once he was dressed Allen stood in front of the mirror using a brush to brush out his hair. As Allen's straightener warmed up he worked on his make up which was much more simple than he usually did lately. All Allen really did was apply some black eye liner. With his straightener warmed up Allen straightened out his hair leaving it smooth and rather silky. Tying his hair back into a ponytail Allen turned to face Lavi smiling.

"So whatcha think?" Allen asked chipper feeling rather more himself then he had in some time. The outfit was still feminine but not as much as a dress and heels.

"I feel like we're in high school again." Lavi chuckled checking Allen's outfit out. The clothing was more of Allen's style when they were in high school. Of course at school they had to wear uniforms but outside of school Allen would often wear clothing like that mainly because it was all he could find at the shelters in his size. Allen was a scrawny short guy so there wasn't any freebie clothing at the shelters in his size, there probably weren't any in stores either. "Why did you stop wearing clothing like that anyway? You've been all dresses and high heels for a while now."

"This sort of appearance doesn't suite the lover of a man like Marian Cross." Allen said softly as he turned to face the mirror looking at his reflection. It was odd seeing himself in such clothing, it really brought back memories. All he was missing was his piercings but the holes had closed up at this point since it had been a little over a year since he wore any but his main ear piercings were fine since he often wore earrings that Cross bought him.

"You shouldn't change yourself for a man Ali." Lavi was a little concerned that Allen always so willing to change himself for Cross.

"You can talk Mr. fancy suits. My personality is still the same so really I haven't changed. My style may have changed but I haven't. I love him so I'm willing to dress a little better for his parties he goes to. Same as you do for Tyki-pet." Allen said messing with his hair as he spoke. "But Marian and I are starting over so I figured I would wear my old clothing."

"Starting over? Why?" Now Lavi was really starting to worry. Lavi never really had been okay with Allen and Cross dating. But in Allen's opinion Lavi was being rather hypocritical about Allen dating Cross since Lavi was also dating an older man though Lavi and Tyki were a little closer in social standing. The sound of the doorbell ringing brought the two back to reality. Smiling Allen walked past Lavi to the front door opening it to reveal Cross who was dressed in his usual white button up shirt, black over jacket but not suite coat and black slacks.

"That's not what you left the house in..." Cross commented blinking at Allen surprised by the outfit change Allen went through. It had been quite some time since he saw Allen in his sort of punk clothing.

"Nope~." Allen's smile grew as he looked up at Cross. It really was no fair how much taller Cross was compared to Allen.

"So this is why you wanted to come over to Lavi's before our date?" Cross dropped his cigarette to the floor putting it out with his foot.

"Yep. Now lets go." Allen walked out of the apartment closing the door behind him.

"I miss you dressing like this. I can't deny you look sexy in those dresses but in this sort of outfit you look hot~." Cross smirked slapping Allen's backside that was so perfectly on display in those jeans. Allen yelped in surprise looking up at Cross.

"Hey now. No being perverted. No sex no perversion. And thank you for the compliment. I miss these sort of outfits but it really doesn't suite how your lover should look at the parties you take me to." Allen opened the door to Lavi's apartment building walking outside. It was a little after eight in the evening. The sky was painted hues of orange and purple as the sun was setting.

"I wouldn't care what you wear to the parties. I probably actually would prefer you dress like this to the parties. So we can continue to rebel together against the system. Besides, you don't belong there so there is no need to fit in. You are above those stupid fools at the parties." Cross was looking straight ahead as they stood at the corner of a street waiting for the walk sign. They had decided to walk around the city so Cross had the driver take the car back to his house till they were done for the night.

"Silly Marian. You are a strange one. Not that I'm any less strange really being a cross dresser and all." Allen laughed a little as they started to walk across the street since the walk sign came on. Cross walked along side Allen with his hands in his pockets.

"Hm..." Cross hummed lighting a fresh cigarette was they walked. "Why did you start cross dressing?"

"Hm. That's because girls clothing was all I could find in my size. The shelters I stayed at sometimes had free clothing to give people staying there but they never had any guys clothing in my size and I didn't want to wear loose baggy clothing." Allen explained looking ahead the entire time as he recalled the times he would accept clothing from the shelters. He hated doing so because it made him feel helpless and weak but he needed clothing.

"How long were you staying at shelters?" Allen usually never talked about his past with Cross but he had known that Allen was a street kid. Cross could never understand how someone could abandon someone like Allen if that was what happened.

"Since I was about eight years old... I was in a foster home before that, and before the foster home I was with my parents..." Allen stopped walking staring up at the moon. Since they were in the city there was very few stars to see. "My dad was a real asshole. He used to hit my mother and I... And on one cold snowy day my mom took me out, she said we were going to the store for groceries, to get some stuff to make a cake for my birthday. Even though I was only four I knew there was something off about that. My mother had never made me a cake for my birthday before." Allen started as he began walking again this time walking slowly. Cross listened to Allen following a few steps behind Allen studying Allen closely.

"As we made our way to the store we had to take the train since we lived too far to walk and my dad never let my mother use the car. At the train stop my mother said she was running to the bathroom real fast... She never came back. I stood there all day in the snow waiting for her to come back for me like she promised... But she never did. I knew she wouldn't but I still waited. That night a lady called the cops who showed up asking me if I was lost, if I knew where my parents were. I was too cold and hurt to even look at the officer let alone talk to him. I ended up in the hospital with hypothermia. A few days later they found my parents... My parents denied being my parents. But it looked like my dad stopped hitting my mom... So I was put in foster care. The government figured that since my parents denied I was their child I would be better off in someone elses care. I found out later from my mom why she did it. Why she left me. They thought I was a freak a freak for being born with white hair and my dad thought my mother had an affair... taking me out of the picture allowed them to put all their problems behind them. Out of sight out of mind." Allen sighed as he stopped walking staring at his feet as they waited for the walk sign again. It didn't hurt as much to think about what happened in the past as much as it used to but... it felt as though the old wounds were being sliced right open. "Foster care was hell. The woman of the house was into drugs and slept with a lot of guys for money. There was like ten other kids in that small house. So when I was eight myself and two other kids ran away together and stayed at shelters and such together."

"Damn... your life was hell... I was right though. That you're a strong one. A lot of people would use their past as an excuse to give up on life or simply not try to improve their living situation. You simply live your life not letting what happened in your past get in the way of your future." Cross said after taking in what Allen had said. Allen stared up at Cross a little surprised by what he had said. Never had Allen thought someone would call him strong, Allen had only done what was necessary to survive that was all. Cross started walking across the street but Allen stood still for a moment before following him.

"Anyway... its your turn to tell me something... What's your family like?" Allen wanted to change the subject away from him as much as he actually wanted to know about Cross' family.

"Hm... Both my parents own businesses. My dad is really strict, he runs a company that runs a few hospitals and handles medical supplies and such. He is full Irish and moved here for business because it simply was better here. My mother owns a few fashion stores of different kinds. Clothing, shoes, jewelry, accessories stuff like that. She also has a modeling agency that tends to show off her fashion lines. As I told you before they were pretty absent most of the time." Cross stated tossing his finished cigarette off to the side.

"So... really... we were both lonely growing up..." Allen said softly as he reached out taking Cross' hand as they walked. Cross looked at Allen out of the corner of his eye.

"Really? You would compare our childhoods? I wasn't abused or abandoned." Cross pointed out gently holding Allen's hand.

"But emotionally you were abandoned by your parents. At least that's what it sounds like." Allen said looking up at Cross again. They did have similar backgrounds in a sense. Allen was abandoned by his parents physically and emotionally and Cross was emotionally abandoned by his parents since they were emotionally unavailable for him.

"Huh... I never thought of it like that..." Cross said thoughtfully as he looked to the sky as they walked along. The city was lit up by business signs and street lights, the night life of cities seemed so much more active then during the day for some reason.

"Of course not. You're really strong and never let anything stop you from getting what you want so you would never view yourself as hurt or abandoned. Or if you do you would never admit it allowed. No one like us does. Everyone else sees it that way and call it that. But to us... we just think our background story is just a little different. I don't view myself as hurt or abandoned. I view myself as a survivor that's all." Allen commented his eyes drifting over to a music store across the street that had all kinds of instruments in the windows. "Hm... I wonder what he is up to these days..." Allen muttered more to himself than to Cross.

"What? Who are you talking about?" Cross had heard Allen mutter to himself. He looked across the street to the music shop as well.

"Oh no one. Just someone I haven't seen for a few years. He plays the guitar so that shop made me think of him. We parted ways when we decided to take different paths in life. I went for a steady job at the cafe and he went for a not so secure job... I was so tired of starving all the time it made sense to me at the time to aim for a steady secure job. And I think I made the right choice with the cafe or I wouldn't have met the love of my life. Though I gave up on my dream job. But I think I would have been less happy with my dream job than being with you..." Allen gasped as suddenly he was pulled into Cross' arms. Cross picked Allen up kissing him deeply as he did. It meant a lot hearing what Allen said. Too surprised by the sudden embrace and kiss Allen didn't have time to kiss Cross back before Cross set him down on his feet.

"Come on. Lets get some dinner." Cross took Allen's hand starting to walk again.

"Nope~. Let's go to the grocery store." Allen hummed smiling up at Cross.

"What are you planning?" Cross was surprised by Allen. They had never gone to the grocery store together. Usually Allen would go by himself while Cross worked.

"I want beef stew for dinner but we don't have anything at home to make it. I haven't been able to go shopping this week." Allen said cheerfully as he led Cross towards a small grocery store nearby. In the store Allen had to do his best to not burst into laughter at the sight of Cross pushing a cart around the local grocery store. Allen would have pushed the cart but Cross insisted since Allen was the one picking out the the food supplies. As they shopped Cross texted the driver telling him to pick them up at the store so they didn't have to lug the bags around the city. After they finished their shopping they went home and ate the stew Allen made for dinner.


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: I changed how this chapter was going to go so many times... first that Cross had cheated on Allen, then that an ex lover died leaving behind a child that was cross' and Allen agreed to stay and help cross raise the child and there were many other ones... ugh... but I like this one better... Sorry for the long wait.**

"Waah! Lavi! I want it so bad but Marian won't give it to me!" Allen whined over the phone as he sat on his bed in one of Cross' white button up shirts. Cross was out of the city on business so Allen was stuck alone for a while.

"What? What do you want...?" Lavi was completely confused as this was the very beginning of their call. Lavi was currently in the bath with Tyki each at one end of the large tub facing the other. They were only bathing so Lavi could talk on the phone. Tyki was holding one of Lavi's ankles washing his leg gently. Lavi had the phone on speaker with it set on the edge of the tub on the flat surface part.

"I think he means it dear Coelho. You did say that Shounen said Cross was putting off sex for a while." Tyki explained as he washed Lavi's foot massaging it a little making Lavi moan a little.

"Don't do that! So not fair! And then Marian ran off to Ireland for a week! Its been two weeks. Two! That's so long to go without sex when you've been getting it like every night! That asshole! He's made me weird!" Allen whined flopped onto his back flailing around like a little child.

"Eh... how has he made you weird...?" Lavi found it so hard to keep up with Allen sometimes.

"Its like he has made me addicted to him or something! It's like I'm going through withdrawal! He needs to get his ass back home!" Allen quickly sat up in bed as he protested Cross' absence.

"Ew... Ali maybe you should call him not me... I can't help you." Lavi sighed resting he chin in his hand looking to Tyki. Tyki smiled lovingly at Lavi washing Lavi's other leg now.

"I can't call him! Stupid old man! I can't seem desperate for him!" Allen whined louder this time.

"But you are desperate for him..." Both Tyki and Lavi thought at the same time.

"Look Ali..." Lavi was starting to say something but Allen cut him off.

"Wait Lavi. I think he came home. Call you later." Allen said quietly and in a bit of a rush before he hung up the phone dropping his phone on the bed.

"Well then..." Tyki said looking to the phone which Lavi sighed at as he locked the screen.

"That's fine. Now...I think I owe you for that foot massage~." Lavi hummed making his way over to Tyki making the older man smirk. Allen once he dropped his phone quickly made his way to the entry hall of the house. Cross was at the front door taking his coat and shoes off.

"Marian." Allen called quickly making his way over to Cross. Turning to face Allen Cross quickly caught his lover who threw himself at the red head.

"Whoa. Hey sorry... Business ran a little late in Ireland." Cross said as he stroked Allen's hair.

"I don't care about that. Get naked now." Allen ordered as he started to unbutton Cross' shirt. The confused older man looked down to the delicate yet nimble hands that worked on his shirt. Silver eyes locked with wine colored eyes when Cross' much larger hands covered his own.

"I thought we were waiting?" Cross asked as he walked forward making Allen walk backwards so Cross didn't run him down. Cross walked slowish so Allen wasn't at risk for tripping.

"Yeah but... I really miss you and really need you. Are you really about to say no to sex? I will give you a blow job if you give me sex~." Allen replied in a sing songy tone as he grinned up at his lover.

"Hm..." Cross hummed thoughtfully as he looked ahead while they continued to walk. Allen's hands were still working on unbuttoning Cross' shirt. "Where should we do it at? In the kitchen~? Maybe the living room~?" Cross looked down at Allen as the younger lover tried pushing Cross' shirt off.

"I really don't care. Just get naked and fuck me please." Allen finally managed to get Cross' shirt off tossing it off to the side. Now Allen's attention was on Cross' belt trying to get that off.

"Geez... I left you alone for two weeks... What made you so desperate?" Cross asked not really minding that Allen was so needy for him, hey what guy didn't want their lover to want them so bad? That was a good sign that Allen was so needy right?

"We haven't had sex in two months! My limit is up! Isn't yours?" Allen tossed Cross' belt off to the side actually giggling a little when it clattered against a wall. Practically tearing Cross' clothes off as soon as Cross got home wasn't something Allen had done before. He should have, it was kinda fun and thrilling.

"My limit was up the next morning when we decided to start over." Cross replied wrapping his arms around Allen's waist picking him up. Allen laughed a little as he wrapped his legs around Cross' waist, his hands went straight to Cross' hair. Cross carried Allen all the way up to their room gently dropped Allen onto the bed making Allen laugh some more. Even though Cross wouldn't admit it out loud he had really missed Allen's laugh. Since he was pretty much already naked Cross just removed his pants and boxers in one easy step before he pulled Allen's shirt off of him. Well really he pulled his own shirt off of Allen, it seemed Allen was always stealing his shirts especially if Cross was away for a while. Well it was easy to strip Allen since literally all he had been wearing was one of Cross' shirts. Cross got onto the bed pulling Allen to the middle of the bed with him.

"69?" Cross suggested running a hand up and down Allen's back holding Allen close against his own body. Allen seemed almost content just laying naked in bed with Cross all of a sudden.

"I did promise you a blow job..." Allen smiled up at Cross as his chin rested on Cross' strong warm chest. "You don't have to give me one."

"I want to so come on and move your butt." Cross replied patting Allen's backside a few times to get Allen to move. Cross wasn't one to slap his lover hard enough to leave marks like some people were and Allen really didn't seem to be into it either. He would gently slap Allen's backside in a more playful or flirty manner. All too happily Allen turned so that he was face to face with Cross' member taking it into his hand massaging it as he started to tease the tip with his tongue earning a pleasured groan from Cross.

The red head had a nice view of Allen's ass as Allen was straddling over him taking his member into that now very skilled mouth. As Cross was starting to take Allen's member into his mouth he surprised Allen by gently pushing a lubed finger inside his entrance starting to gently stretch Allen. The feeling of Cross stretching him and sucking on his member caused Allen to moan around Cross' length as he was deep throating him.

It was impossible to deny that the feeling of Allen moaning while deep throating Cross was a truly amazing feeling. When Cross had three fingers inside of Allen and was practically fucking Allen with his fingers Allen had to pull off of Cross' member panting heavily.

"M-Marian... I-I can't... Marian~!" Allen cried out as he reached his limit coming inside of Cross' mouth. Swallowing all that Allen spent Cross pulled away from Allen's member but kept moving his fingers in and out of Allen as the albino went back to deep throating Cross. It wasn't too much longer before Cross released into Allen's mouth with a groan.

After waiting a little bit to recover Allen moved to grab the lube coating Cross' member with it while working to get Cross hard again. It didn't take a whole lot of work to get Cross ready to go again. When they were ready to go Cross rolled them over so Allen was on his back under Cross.

"Remember... better than the first time." Cross reminded Allen as he leaned down kissing Allen deeply. Allen wrapped his arms and legs around Cross returning the deep passionate kiss. In truth the way they had sex the first time didn't really bother Allen but it seemed to bother Cross so Allen would let Cross make up for it to help him feel better about it. The kiss broke as Cross slowly entered Allen causing Allen to let out a pleasured gasp tilting his head back gripping a lower portion of Cross' hair. The slower pace actually felt really good, it was more passionate as it didn't feel rushed or anything. They could actually feel every inch of every movement, every gasp or shiver Allen had from Cross, everything. Also it allowed them to stay connected intimately for a longer amount of time.

"Mm...M-Marian... I love you..." Allen whispered as he held Cross as close as he could without restricting Cross.

"I love you too." Cross whispered back as he kissed Allen's neck tenderly. It wasn't much longer after that when Allen and Cross both climaxed with a moan of each other's name. they stayed as they were for a few moments basking in the after math of their bliss before Cross pulled out laying down beside Allen holding him close.

"So... how was your trip?" Allen asked after some time as they were laying in each other's embrace. The question made Cross sigh rather heavily.

"Worst trip of my life. It was nice being home but having to see my family... not so much. They basically set up a trap... there was some daughter of some guy my mom works with there. They were trying to get me to agree to marry her..." That didn't surprise Allen as much as Cross expected it to.

"Well tough shit... you're mine..." Allen replied nuzzling Cross' neck. There was no way Allen was going to give Cross up after all this time. He loved Cross to much to be chased off by his parents. Cross couldn't help but laugh at Allen's response. It was uncommon for Allen to curse or be selfish.

"Yes. That is true. I am yours." Cross responded rather amused with Allen at the moment.

"So... While you were away... I got in contact with an old friend of mine... He's a guitarist that plays at small bars and stuff for live music... We came to an agreement to try and start a band... Lavi too." Allen commented after some silence again.

"Was that your dream?" Cross asked remembering that Allen said he gave up on his dream for a steady job. Trying to start a band definitely wasn't the most reliable form of work.

"It was yes. For all of us but we sort of split up when I wanted to work at the diner and Lavi met Tyki." Allen answered resting his head on Cross' chest again.

"Alright... If it makes you happy I will support you in whatever you do." Cross promised gently rubbing Allen's back. :If you need any help let me know. I might be able to..." Cross added his offer but Allen shook his head.

"We discussed that too... We all decided that we don't want you or Tyki helping. We want to do it on our own so people know we got to the top with only our talent." Allen said closing his eyes getting comfortable.

"Alright..." Cross had no doubt that Allen and his little group would be able to start a great band and make it to the top on their own. If Allen was to be the lead singer there was definitely nothing that could stop them. Allen had never sang in front of Cross on purpose but every once in a while Cross had caught Allen singing when he thought Cross wasn't home or still asleep and Allen had the most amazing voice. If Cross had known Allen wanted to be in a band he would have told Allen to chase that dream a lot sooner.


End file.
